theBadZ.com

I can’t remember the last time I played there, although I’m almost sure it was at night during one of the last IUM’s in a very long while.

Several things have changed - I noticed just one drinking fountain compared to two before, there’s a better looking IAC bulletin board, the shower/dressing room is cleaner looking and tiled up, not to mention all eight backboards are now made of fiberglass. But for the brief time I was there that day, it felt just like before.

It was peaceful.

The faces were unfamiliar - another indicator of my age, aside from my conditioning which while was never really good, is way worse compared to before. But the sound of the multitude of basketballs bouncing which were coming from all directions, the screeching of rubber shoes against the concrete floor, and the aura of competitiveness, determination and fun coming from the people there were the same.

Just like the times before when I felt lost, this place is still one among the handful where I can clear my mind of confusion, where I can find solemnity amidst the noise.

It was a sanctuary.

It’s time once again to collect stickers for the Starbucks planner.

From what my officemate showed me, less stickers are needed this year - 15 if I remember it right (16 actually, but one of them is a “bonus”!).

I’m actually not sure if I want to get the 2009 planner. (Yes, notice the use of “want” and not just “need”.)  I got the 2008 one and I never really used it that much. That, and I’m expecting the school’s 2009 planner to be cool (I’m also hoping that would be cheaper).

The new edition of the Starbucks annual is simpler compared to the previous two, with 2007 being the best I’ve seen (and the one I don’t have). Something “different” this year is that it comes in three colors: red, blue and black. Hmm… less stickers but more stuff to collect for the collectors.

The question now is, do I go with the “flow” and start getting those stickers?

What to do, what to do?

Honestly, I don’t trust my sense of direction as much as I seem to. Some people know how bad it really is, while others just don’t know about it.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t get us where we want to go.

I will make mistakes along the way, that’s a fact. I might even make them one after another. It might even get to a point where I’d want to give up and just admit that I can’t do it.

But bear with me, please. I will stand back up after every fall, just give me time gather myself back together. I just need to rest.

We might be late - for a little bit or for a long while.

But we’ll get there. I just need you to… trust me.

A good philosophy in life is to “keep moving forward” - not going back and not being contented with maintaining one’s current place or position.

However, life doesn’t happen in a controlled environment. There are other, sometimes extraneous, variables to consider - time, situation, other people, and the list goes on.

As such, sometimes we also need to think first before rushing ahead. While forward indeed is the way to go, sometimes going around an obstacle is more practical than barging against it head-on - regardless of our chances. Some other times, it might even be better to take a step backwards. “Retreat to fight another day” as some would put it.

“One step backward to be able to take two steps forward in the future.” Upfront, it seems a cowardly thing to do; but it actually takes more courage to accept what one cannot conquer an obstacle. To decide to risk the opportunity by choosing to regroup first and develop one’s strengths as well as improve one’s weaknesses is sometimes harder to do.

After all, how can we keep moving forward if we will only get stuck along the way?

If you answered YES, I think the first thing you should do is to stop thinking that you are pathetic. Focus on the bright-er side of things and try not to do things that’ll make you feel more pathetic later on. If that’s too hard (since it’s easier said than done, I know), maybe it’ll be easier to just stop thinking first.

If you answered NO, um…… good for you. :p

Six years later…

I still don’t know what you’re thinking;
I’m still left guessing, wondering… hoping.
While I want to believe on the positive side,
I think it’s better, er, easier -
To expect the negative instead.

Six years later…

I still don’t know what I’m thinking;
I’m still confused, lost… bewildered.
While I want to believe on the positive side,
I think reality has set in -
Maybe it’s the negative one after all.

I’m back!